I have been desperate to start my annual leave and here it is, yet somehow i know its not going to be the relaxing break that i always seem to envisage. For a start i know that i am going end up having some massive arguments with Rob, caused by spending too much time together. We have very different parenting styles and this is going to cause problems for sure. Whilst i am generally very chilled and things still get done, but what’s the difference in waiting 10 minutes (and saving the need for war) for the boys to finish watching a tv show, or game of fifa whilst Rob will play holy hell if they don’t jump up and do as he says straight away. Language is also a massive problem, Rob uses profanities far too much and then wonders why our kids think it is ok to do so. I just know that there are going to be some heated moments and the relaxing, fun filled holiday i had in mind will disintegrate into tiny pieces. I can guarantee that by the end of the 2 weeks i will want a divorce.
Sometimes (actually rather a lot) i find my marriage to much hard work. I have been through a great deal over the past 11 years and i know for a fact many women would have walked away. We are just really different and its when we are together a lot that i realise just how many worlds apart we are. I wonder though if once our children are all grown up whether we will maybe have nothing to talk about, I am the one who talks, who is passionate about things whilst Rob, exists and has the odd day where he becomes stupidly immature, his jokes are not even funny and then he calls me miserable for not laughing at his silly behaviour. As i write this i am almost talking myself into a separation. He has been to complain about me already, he is watching tv but sees it as being stuck with the kids all day and night. This is the man who doesn’t work, wants too but does nothing to help himself get a job, expecting me to write cv’s and applications, with fake results and a series of short term jobs that he gained nothing from. I take time off when the kids are off to help him care for them, yet whilst they are at school for 6 hours a day i work 5 days a week and he sits at home enjoying the peace. Something wrong there isn’t there?
With my Mother semi estranged from my father, i can somewhat feel her reasons for wanting to be alone. I know i would possibly find things easier at times. I am hoping that i can come up with some ideas to run my own business in the future, but it looks like finding the time between entertaining the kids and keeping the peace i might not get much time to think.
The Hormone Heroine 